I find, recently, that there are a lot of people that I dont like. And I’m starting to feel crappy about it. Is there something wrong with me that I feel this way? Whenever (if ever) I talk about it to others, I always say it in a laughing manner, like it’s not really a big issue, and is more of a joke. But inside, I always have a rankling doubt that maybe I’m a bad person for not liking these people.
But see, it’s not just anybody that I dont like. There are certain behaviours and acts that get them relegated to that list, from whence it will take them a long long time to emerge.
I do not like people who are mean to my parents.
I do not like people who try to use my mother for her ‘contacts’ (who are just friends for her).
I do not like people who think my mother’s expertise in several matters are theirs for the taking, and dump upteen number of demands on her.
I do not like people who try to fleece people of their money.
I do not like people who do not keep their word.
I do not like people who owe someone money for service rendered, and do not bother to pay up for the longest time.
I do not like people who do not pay up the money they owe, and then have the nerve to question the person about something.
I do not like people who show different faces to different people.
I do not like people who’re hot and then cold (remind you of the song? It always does, for me).
I do not like people who get married and then force their partner to cut off relationships with their friends and family (sounds unbelievable, but it’s happened, I swear)
I do not like people who trick other people for anything from borrowing a pencil to running a business.
I do not like people who try to use others (to whom they have had absolutely no contact for God knows how many years) for their own means.
I do not like people who cast slurs against my loved ones (and I will not like them forever, most likely, no matter what they do).
I do not like people who are complete lazy bums, who sit at home and do nothing while the family struggles.
I do not like people who are mean to servants.
I do not like people with whom I never know on what standing I am (does that make sense?)
I usually reserve judgement, with an inclination towards dislike, for the man who is going to get married to any woman that I love and am close to (experience has taught me that it is wiser), until the woman is really happy. Jury’s still out on the matter of my brother in law.
You see? There are so many kinds of people I dont like. And I know that from the list, it sounds justified, but I still feel guilty about it. Not that that makes me change my opinion of them in any way.
And a sometimes, I see a bit of myself in those I dont like. That really, really scares me. What if I’m like them, and I dont really know it, and I’m being all high and mighty, hating on them? That’s just hypocritical, isn’t it?
And the number of people I don’t like nowadays, it’s seriously scaring me.
Whee am I headed with all of this? Who am I to pass any sort of judgement on them? It’s not like I’m perfect. So how am I justified in forming a negative opinion about them? And, like I said, I sometimes see a bit of myself in them (mannerisms or the way they move, etc.), so maybe I really am a lot more like them, but dont know it?
Sometimes, these questions keep me up at night.
They scare me.
I scare me.